angry

Scrubs
In moments of truth, we always reveal who we really are.

There are people who succeed in conflict, but most people would stoop at a certain level and refuse it. Last night was one of those really annoying periods in which I felt that I had to give my shit thrown to these people. I did, at some point.

I finished two bottles of hard liquor with some friends last night. I was “slightly” drunk. I knew what I was doing, seriously. I went upstairs and found this acquaintance, not a close friend, rather an enemy. I behaved in fine form, made the first move to talk to her. I knew that she was cognizant that I can be really bitchy (but I wasn't last night); she saw forgiveness from me coming. The bastard stood up, without uttering a single word. I found myself surrounded by demons after. I received heartless words.

In some cases, I’ve succeeded by asking for forgiveness even if it wasn’t needed on my part. Something similar to last night’s incident happened before. I wanted to reach out to allow the clash become less fierce. But they were all total assholes.

Thanks to these people who defended me last night. They witnessed that there shouldn’t be any way to torment my mind by talking to people who are very close-minded. Also last night, I had one of those moving conversations: people noted that they saw my attachment to ethics. I had alcohol gushing through my blood but I stood in front of those bastards, gave an explanation, behaved in a very polite way.

It’s true that I should stop myself from trusting people easily; believing that all people can have a heart to show some kindness and courtesy. I’ve made a huge mistake on that. I must try to start accepting friendships of those who are more deserving.

Why put me down for no good reason?

I'm not dumping my real friends. You know who you guys are. Thank you!!! :)

oh god, they rock my world

these DVDs of mine save me

realities

Henry David Thoreau
Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit and resign yourself to the influences of each.

I watched a television series from Britain with my friend yesterday. It’s Sugar Rush. We had the DVD played on the laptop. We finished Season 1 and will continue on Season 2 next time. The main character, Kim, came from an imminently dysfunctional family. She fell so madly in love with her best friend Sugar who left a great void in her heart. Sugar fancied over hot men, not attentive enough to figure out all the signals of adoration sent by Kim.

Kim couldn’t tolerate any more loss. Her mother had another man. Her brother was a weirdo. And the only loving presence came from his father who considered marriage and family very important. She felt so unloved having the presence of all upsetting events in her life. By the time she discovered that someone could be there for her, it became her source of love and security.

Kim and Sugar


9 THINGS I LEARNED FROM THE SHOW

1. Many families are fucked up.
2. The relationship of parents affects their children’s perception on love and marriage.
3. Wounds that will come from the many attempts to love in the wrong way will require some time to heal totally.
4. Fighting for who we are with our beliefs and principles is the only way we can stop from making more mistakes.
5. There are relationships that torture us, but the process of coping with pain will build our sense of character.
6. There are moments that we will find ourselves completely alone.
7. Homosexuals must learn to defend themselves against the world that has no right to judge, for the reason that they combat with life’s many battles similar to heterosexuals.
8. We have to live our own life no matter how much pain it will cause others.
9. There are certain events that will forever be imprinted and unconsciously, we’ll carry it for all time.

A member of a family must do things not only for his personal advantage, but for their sake as well. Kim found it hard to be in the middle of her mother and father. There were times that she had to cover up her mother’s mistakes to not see her father and his suffering. We should sometimes allow ourselves to be taken away by the waves of emotions from others but in the stillness of our hearts, we must evaluate events and prioritize personal judgment first.

Sometimes, realizing a dream will hurt another. Kim’s mother, Stella, considered herself with a younger man whom she thought she was more compatible with. Unfortunately, she was traded by the other man for a woman of his age. The time Stella came back to repair the trouble she had done to their home, it was too late. Damages were created and lives were all distorted. It was something she wasn’t able to understand; something remained mysterious to a person like her who lost her honor as a person, trusted lies too much.

Kim’s love for Sugar spanned up to the point of doing all favors just to make her smile. It’s called "loving a straight girl” thing or simply, exposing the self to “unrequited love”. Others might view it as plain obsession: waiting patiently for someone is too ridiculous. But love has many sides we can either dare to discover or not. Loving silently but truly has an extreme power to influence one’s behavior. It’s merely not about the waiting thing. It’s more about wanting to be under the greatest spell, not allowing the capacity to love selflessly to just vanish.

By the way, Kim's character was played by Olivia Hallinan. She's sooo pretty! Lindsay Lohan look-a-like. And they're vodka lovers on the series! I can sooo relate. Haha!

Love, love, love! My head goes mental again. Lol. I’ve been intolerant of all liars and hypocrites who can’t keep their word. I’m angrier than before, I know. Stupid expectations! My heart has grown weary but there’s no more room for the sad thing. There are still saviors present in my life. You know who you are.